Top Ten Things I Learned in 2014
#10 An "Ariana Grande" is not an order at Starbucks. But if it were, it would be a bone china cup of weak tea with milk and sugar that thinks it’s a big mug of steaming black coffee, to go.
#9 The FIFA World Cup, they still hold it every 4 years, Americans still don’t care.
#8 Perennial teenager Archie Andrews was shot and killed in his comic book. It was shocking because he wasn’t black and a cop didn’t do it.
#7 Colorado legalized recreational marijuana and the daily commute from Denver has been harder than I thought.
#6 Ask Eli Manning to pass the salt at dinner and someone will intercept it.
#5 There aren’t a lot of great Ebola jokes. Plus, you need to speak loudly when telling them because people have trouble hearing you through the isolation tent.
#4 Jay Leno ‘retired’ as host of The Tonight Show. I’ve learned this before, but I think it will stick this time.
#3 No matter how famous Beyonce’s sister gets, I’m never going to remember her name. Also, don’t get in the same elevator with Jay-Z’s sister-in-law.
#2 We landed a rocket ship on a comet speeding through Outer Space, but nobody’s passwords on Earth are ever going to be safe again.
#1 Kim Kardashian is only famous when she’s naked.