* It’s been a year now and I’m not saying I regret saving
the world from the Mayan apocalypse but you folks could show a little more
gratitude.
* Ben Affleck is free to do anything he wants after winning an Oscar.
Except play Batman.
* NFL
locker rooms are like LORD OF THE FLIES for grown-ups.
* If
Walter White had killed Dexter both series would have ended better.
* 2013 was
the year America’s retailers learned how to run Back to School and Christmas sales simultaneously.
* Syria. I know
where it is on a map now. Thanks
CNN.
* Kim
Kardashian & Kanye West had a kid.
First
time I’ve seen a baby cry when it was born for the right reasons.
* I bought
too much Halloween candy again.
Want a fun size Snickers?
* Blockbuster Video closed their last retail stores.
This is something I should have learned in 2009.
* If you
compare our studio deals Grumpy Cat gets a bigger trailer than I do. Co-incidentally
I have a litter box in mine too.
* That I
am little disappointed Harrison Ford is going to take a paycheck and appear in
the new Star Wars film after badmouthing the franchise for years. I know Han
shot first but maybe he should have saved better?
* The
producers and writers of THE OFFICE know how to end a TV series. Most
satisfactory ending to a show I loved in years. It was to me anyway.
* I didn’t
want to love Chuck Lorre’s new sitcom MOM, but I do.
* Toronto is a much more interesting city
than I ever knew, eh Mr. Mayor?
* Andy
Kaufman, Jerry Garcia and Elvis: all still dead.
* There is
no frequent flier miles program for drones at The Pentagon.
* BROOKLYN NINE-NINE has the best opening credits music on TV.
* Every time the Red Sox win the World Series I expect the world to end the next day. Then I’m kind of disappointed that it doesn’t.
* No more real Mexican Coke? Damn.
Wait, are we talking about the
same thing?
* That I
can’t watch Chris Pine in the new STAR TREK films without constantly thinking he really is William
Shatner’s secret bastard love child.
* As soon
as you think nothing will surprise you anymore, something will surprise you.
* 58% of
Americans are FOR the legalization of marijuana.
The
other 42% were too paranoid to answer the phone when the pollster called.
* I bought
too much Easter candy again.
Want a hard marshmallow Peep?
* If you
hate the idea of government even existing maybe you shouldn’t ask people to put
you in charge of it.
* That I
still don’t care who won the Stanley Cup.
* That I want to open a restaurant with Cindy Williams and
call it Tavern & Shirley.
* Chris
Christie’s campaign film will literally be a ROCKY type training montage of him
working out in the New Jersey wilderness.
* That too many people at the mall dress like they shop at
FOREVER 21 when they should shop at a store called I'M ACTUALLY 50.
* Netflix was nominated for Emmy Awards this year. Amazon, Hulu,
Microsoft and more are going to get into the game now too.
Everything you know about TV is about to be
re-invented...again.
* We can bring a knife on a plane but not a soda? I feel
safer already.
* I want to open a food truck that only sells desserts and
call it Wheelie Sweet.
* That I
am more secure in my sexuality than Hallmark because I still don my gay apparel
at holiday time.
* A 0-6
start to a season for your NFL favorite team sucks donkey scrotum. I’m
talking to you NY Giants.
* If Chris
Christie doesn’t win the Presidential election in 2016 he has a standing offer to host THE BIGGEST
LOSER.
* 3-D
movies are here to stay. Until they go away again.
* I bought
too much Valentine’s candy again.
Want a heart shaped Reeses?
* Since
Congress only works about 27 days a year I didn’t even notice the government
shutdown. I’m sorry, alleged government shutdown.
* If
Hillary actually is running for President and consequentially will be on the
road for weeks at a time 2016 can’t come fast enough for Bill Clinton.