* The
Fiscal Cliff is not a hot, new reggae band.
* I
can’t walk into a store and buy a Twinkie.
*
STAPLES doesn’t sell binders full of women.
* Taylor
Swift holds a grudge.
* Granting
yourself dictatorial powers in Egypt is done with the same basic
authority as calling "shotgun" on a beer run.
*
Chuck Lorre is always dealing with a TV star hopped up on coke or Jesus.
* Coca-Cola
is still way better than Pepsi.
* Everybody
thinks they look cool dancing Gangnam Style.
* Nobody
looks cool dancing Gangnam Style.
* I'm
Team Katniss.
* If
there's a "War on Christmas", Christmas is winning.
* State
polls matter, national polls don't.
*
Notre Dame football is back baby!
* In
the case of a legitimate election you should lay back and accept God's will.
* Hunting
vampires and freeing slaves made Abraham Lincoln one of our busiest Presidents.
* Even
after a billion airplay's on the radio, I'm not sick of CALL ME MAYBE.
* The
NY Mets still suck. :(
* If
you go clubbing with Lindsey Lohan don't forget to bring brass knuckles and
bail money.
*
Twinkies & Ho-Ho's have a "street value".
* I
have an alarm clock and a dog because my life is full of redundancies.
* In Hollywood that competitive project will
actually help your project, not hurt it but it's still going to feel like a
kick in the crotch when you hear about it.
*
FaceBook is not worth as much as people thought it was.
* The
NY Giants are the current NFL Super Bowl Champions. :)
* The
Secret Service and Army Generals have a lot sex while they are working but porn
stars in LA are the ones the law says need to wear a condom.
* Nothing
says Christmas like club music & a light show.
* I
never need to hear the song "Moves Like Jagger" again.
* Tic-Tacs
are not medicine.
* You
CAN fool all of the people all of the time, as long as they are Republicans and
you are FOX News.
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