Saturday, December 1, 2012

Things I learned in 2012

* The Fiscal Cliff is not a hot, new reggae band.
* I can’t walk into a store and buy a Twinkie.
* STAPLES doesn’t sell binders full of women.
* Taylor Swift holds a grudge.
* Granting yourself dictatorial powers in Egypt is done with the same basic authority as calling "shotgun" on a beer run.
* Chuck Lorre is always dealing with a TV star hopped up on coke or Jesus.
* Coca-Cola is still way better than Pepsi.
* Everybody thinks they look cool dancing Gangnam Style.
* Nobody looks cool dancing Gangnam Style.
* I'm Team Katniss.
* If there's a "War on Christmas", Christmas is winning.
* State polls matter, national polls don't.
* Notre Dame football is back baby!
* In the case of a legitimate election you should lay back and accept God's will.
* Hunting vampires and freeing slaves made Abraham Lincoln one of our busiest Presidents.
* Even after a billion airplay's on the radio, I'm not sick of CALL ME MAYBE.
* The NY Mets still suck. :(
* If you go clubbing with Lindsey Lohan don't forget to bring brass knuckles and bail money.
* Twinkies & Ho-Ho's have a "street value".
* I have an alarm clock and a dog because my life is full of redundancies.
* In Hollywood that competitive project will actually help your project, not hurt it but it's still going to feel like a kick in the crotch when you hear about it.
* FaceBook is not worth as much as people thought it was.
* The NY Giants are the current NFL Super Bowl Champions. :)
* The Secret Service and Army Generals have a lot sex while they are working but porn stars in LA are the ones the law says need to wear a condom.
* Nothing says Christmas like club music & a light show.
* I never need to hear the song "Moves Like Jagger" again.
* Tic-Tacs are not medicine.
* You CAN fool all of the people all of the time, as long as they are Republicans and you are FOX News.

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